How do I show my cats that I love them?
From your cats’ perspective, the fact that you feed them is already a major sign that you cherish them.
With cats, the key to communicating love is respect. This means:
• not forcing them to cuddle when they’re not in the mood
• letting them go when they’ve had enough cuddles
• not shouting at or hitting them when they do something you don’t like (cats do NOT respond well to punishment like this)
• keeping their food, water, and litter bowls pristine
• not making them wear strange clothes and/or accessories
• not giving them strange haircuts (I know it sounds weird, but cat self-esteem is more sensitive than you think. They can withdraw, refuse food and human contact, or even go into depression if they feel uncomfortable about the way you’ve made them look)
Once we’ve taken care of that checklist, we can go on to the more nuanced ways of expressing love.
• Touch: Cats are like people. Some people love having their heads patted, others hate it. Some people love foot rubs, others have ticklish feet. Likewise, every single cat has specific places it likes and dislikes having touched. Some generally safe places are the top of the head, underneath the chin, and the scruff of the neck.
• Volume: Keep your voice soft. Cats have very sensitive ears, and loud/angry voices can stress and scare them.
• Attention/time: Do not leave your cat alone for too long. Some cats get separation anxiety. Spend time with them - snuggling, playing, or whatever they enjoy.
And here are two clear “I love you” messages which your cats will understand:
• Make eye contact. Blink both eyes slowly. Repeat several times. Among cats, this means “I love you”. You may find that the cat returns the blink; this means “I love you too”. (But don’t be disappointed if your cats don’t blink back - not every cat does this.)
• Stroke your cat’s head. When cats like someone or something, they brush against them/it to transfer its scent to mark the person/object as their possession. The top of the head is the strongest scent-marker. That’s why cats often head-butt you to tell you they want/love you. When you stroke your cat’s head, you’re saying, “I love you so much, I want to be your human. Look, I’m marking myself with your scent.” Your cats will like that, and probably purr with joy!
Above all, listen and watch. Cats are non-verbal communicators. Do not rely on meowing/hissing/purring as the sole indicator of your cat’s mood, as vocalizations are equivalent to shouting for cats (a last resort). Cats speak a lot with their eyes, ears, whiskers, tail…body language, in general.
We would not recommend bribing your cat with food. Besides the obvious risk of obesity, cats actually prefer your company to kitty treats :)